and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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