Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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