dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
