Just fell off a train. Bad.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
