just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
