i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
