can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
