It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I know her cup size but not her name....
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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