I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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