She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The struggles of a small town man whore
These tits shall not be calmed
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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