we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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