yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
