i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
What a dumb baby whore.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
