I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
