I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
