you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
