I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
