you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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