By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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