I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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