homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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