It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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