Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
