wakey wakey hands off snakey
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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