i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
