I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
What drink are we having for lunch?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
