I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
