The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
