I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
