My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
