when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
