I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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