I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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