Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
