i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
