Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
