We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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