Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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