Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
