Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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