I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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