I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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