I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
