I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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