it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
