I'm gonna have a badass scar
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
