somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She even gives head with a lisp.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
