Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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