I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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