Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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