Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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