we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Randomize
