I just cut my nipple shaving
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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