The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
